With a brand new strain variant of the Covid 19 virus making it’s debut, the ever-paranoid President Joe Biden is leaping into action once again for the American people. Or, at least, kind of slowly scrabble-lurching.
The Omicron variant, which came from Africa, is catching fire in the U.S., and it’s spreading rapidly, mainly through one single outlet. Church’s Chicken establishments.
The new Coke of the infectious disease world isn’t resistant to vaccinations, which most normal, cognizant Americans already have. They’ll be fine. The ones most at risk are the undereducated dimwit soccer balls with eyes that think vaccination is the same as signing their mother’s chastity belt key over to Matt Goetz.
Joe Barron, Biden’s Jab Czar, had some interesting remarks about the virus, the vaccinations, and, strangely enough, Marvel’s newest release, “The Eternals.”
“Look. The variant isn’t anything to worry about if you haven’t gone to and dined inside of a Church’s Chicken franchise. Apparently, it’s coming from overseas inside the chicken’s assholes thanks to a man we identified as Hank Helmer constantly pouring covid-infected lube on his finger and getting some ‘chicken dick slippin.’ Don’t ask me. I fell asleep during that boring ass Eternals movie which was like watching someone try to make a serious ‘Mystery Men.”
Biden is ordering the immediate closings and inspections of all the chicken purveyors and has withdrawn over three trillion dollars from the social security fund to pay for the shut downs. Many of the locations are rumored to stand ready to make up lost profit time by temporarily reopening as licky strip clubs.
Is President Biden being overly cautious, completely paranoid, or both? He certainly seems to be much more prepared and able to handle the Covid crisis than his predecessor, Giant Fat Mutant Manatee Man. Will we ever get back to normal and just chow on some wings for Christ’s sake?
