President Joe Biden is proving to be a petty, petty man. He’s ordered the official state funeral for Jimmy Carter, who passed at 100 years old, for the same day as President Trump’s inauguration, January 20th.
We got the news from our source inside the West Wing, DoorDash driver Abdu Walakamahalahu, who reports directly to former National Security Advisor and current regional manager for Domino’s, Joe Barron.
“I don’t have to tell you how happy we were to be the first to break the news,” said Abdoo, “We were able to use the receipt from Long John Silvers that proves we were in the White House to sell it to a bunch of wackadoodles.”
Being a whackadoodle might sound a bit over the top, but it’s the only way to get good, inside information.
Without people like Abdoo, the flow of information stops at the guy who uses Google to learn that there are no Long John Silvers in DC or the surrounding area.
So it seems that while we may have the facts straight about Jimmy Carter being dead, we may not be able to confirm the rest of the story. We also can’t confirm that it’s not true, so we’ve decided to abstain from confirming things altogether.
God bless America.
