There exist many varied and different versions of Ian Fleming’s spy hero James Bond over the decades.  George Lazenby, Sean Connery, Roger Moore, just to name a few.  All of them brought their own style and substance to the role.

Timothy Dalton once played the handicapped James Bond, with a stick up his ass for 3 films.

Now it’s time to move over, because the next actor in line has stepped into the infamous wingtips and cradled a hand around the trademarked Martini.  Eliott Fletcher has been chosen for the role in the next feature film, The Blumpkin That Blumped Me.

The controversy that’s beginning to stir up Hollywood is that Fletcher is, in fact, a transsexual, which doesn’t bode well with the more non-woke and conservative tards in the prospective audiences.

“James Bond is a ladies man, a hardcore macho gunner, and a smooth talker,” says tractor mechanic Joe Barron.  “He ain’t some snowflake living in his mama’s basement eating hot pockets and crying over Aunt Jemima!”

“Well, I for one think it’s great,” says Honey McBubbles, an exotic waggle dancer from Las Vegas.  “He was fabulous in ‘Shameless’ on Netflix, he’s a very good actor, and I think he’ll really bring his A game to the show.”

In this, the 26th entry into the series, Bond has to go on a madcap chase through Madagascar for a techno-jewel that can grow hair on the bald.  Yeah, we don’t get it either.


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