Are you tired of the old, tired, usual halftime show during the Superbowl where some rapper or hip-hop artist you’ve never heard of comes onstage half-dressed and gyrates for a half hour?  Well if you are, Mr. Billy Joel has something for you.

The Piano Man is stepping in to rescue America with his new alternative halftime entertainment show dubbed Billypalooza by fans, that he says will blow away the regular communist NFL-owmed festivities.

“What I’m doing is hosting a mini-festival of classic and trusted artists that will be more accessible to older audiences that watch football.  I felt we needed someone other than Shakira or Young M.C. or whoever, you know?”

Rick Astley will not appear after he lost a cage match to Joel in Madison Square Gardens last month.

Joel has gone through great pains to sign this year’s first annual showing of the event.  Assistant Joe Barron, his recorder and confidant from Queef By Queef studios told us more.

“Well, obviously, Billy will host and headline, and also do a little lighting work with his bald ass head.  But afterwards, we’re welcoming a whole festival with Paul Simon, Don Henley, and the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.  It’s gonna be great!”

Also scheduled, but not guaranteed to perform, are whiteys Billy Ray Cyrus, Huey Lewis, and whatshisface – that big fat guy who did Paradise By the Dashboard Lights.  Shepherd’s Pie or whatever.

Wait, he’s what?

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