Many political networks and pundits have been severely critical of the Biden administration’s policies regarding immigration. However, a series of raids by immigration services this week, including one that caught up conservative talker Candace Owens, has served to give them pause.
In Mike Lindell’s case, meno-pause.
Very few details have been released to the public as of yet about the event or why Owens in particular was targeted, but America’s Last Line of Defense got an exclusive inside line from National Immigration Czar Assistant Cager Sandy Batt :
“Miss Owens, like many others, is suspected of overstaying a Visa issued to allow her to remain in the country on a temporary basis. During research for this operation, her name came up as a citizen of the nation of Zimbabwe. We will double-check her paperwork, but she has already failed to produce a valid birth certificate.”
The revelation that Owens is allegedly not a legal American citizen will assuredly take her fans and employers alike by surprise. But Batt was unrelenting, explaining that ridiculously racist bullshit can sometimes go both ways.
“To this day, there are lots of morons who still believe Barack Obama came from Kenya, solely because Donald Trump picked the blackest country he could think of at random and told them so. So, Candace Owens is black. She must be from Zimbabwe. I just said so. I don’t see any birth certificate, do you?”
“LET ME SEE THAT CERTIFICATE OWENS, OR I’LL WATERBOARD YOU WITH TABASCO SAUCE! FOR FREEDOM!”
As the news broke and speculation that the conservative diva may be deported hit the gossip columns, sixteen airlines have already volunteered to transport the controversial Hitler-flatterer to any international destination for free.
It looks like until such time as Owens can produce a birth certificate that will pass muster with a very critical group at the US State Department, she might have to begin packing her bags. Aloha, Candace. We’ll all miss you in 2024. Grab me a coconut.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
