According to our sources, The Harris Campaign is reimbursing Beyonce $200,000 for “travel expenses.” The problem with that, aside from the insanely high price, is that the campaign also lists her private jet and accommodations on its expense report.
“There’s no doubt in my mind,” said Fritz, an unemployed meth addict from Louisville, “I’ve examined miles of data that appears on the horizon before me every time I ingest a little bit of rat poison. It all says the same thing.”
Fritz has little credibility among his peers, or…as a human being in general, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t all listen to the voices in his head and heed his warnings if they happen to coincide with our political beliefs.
After all, patriots, Fritz is a person, too. He has hopes and dreams and feelings. Just last week he was three bums away from being the next guy in a Joey Salads video, which surely would have skyrocketed him to the kind of fame on Dom of the Month can appreciate.
Screw Dave Portnoy, by the way. I like a pizza with a good punch of parm.
so there you have it, patriots. Whether the source is real or a junkie we invented to support a ridiculous claim, it’s on the internet, and therefore true.
God bless America.
