It was a disturbing scene of chaos this morning as a troop of nearly twenty masked Black Lives Matter protesters stormed the Joe Barron federal courtroom in Washington, the setting for the department of justice’s Obamagate hearings, now in their fifth day.  Several senators, including Lindsey Graham and Tom Cotton desperately took cover beneath their desks and reportedly urinated in their trousers.  Security forces quickly surrounded the courtroom and attempted to restore order.

When the contentious melee began, attorney General Bill Barr was reportedly rubbing acne cream into his bottom two chins and using his cellular device to play Candy Crush as special prosecutor Trey Gowdy sat in a corner space, repeatedly rapping himself in the forehead and rocking back and forth due to his lifelong affliction of being the shittiest lawyer of all time.

“Your honor, I’d like to introduce exhibit ‘A’, a physician’s recommendation that the top 4 inches of my head be removed.”

The troop, led by Black Lives Matter General Benjamin “Bitch Slap” Washington, entered through two side doors and began calmly asking to be heard in front of the committee, three stepping into the aisles to offer the weary and heated senators a selection of cold soft drinks and snacks, provided by the Lays potato chip company.  One lieutenant complimented Barr’s shirt and shoes, while another asked permission to excuse himself to speak on his phone to the local orphanage where he had been donating Bibles to children rescued from satanic cults.

Unbeknownst to the servers, Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s wife’s pet name is “finger sandwich.”

Luckily, the interlopers didn’t have a chance to cause any permanent or physical damage as they were tackled by the Capitol police force, who had been summoned within seconds of witness outside of the chamber spotting an African-American person walking around in broad daylight.  The Obama protecting thugs were wrestled to the ground and removed.  They may face heavy fines and up to 90 years of jail time.  That’s what happens when you break the law, brother man.

1 Comment

  1. This is (probably) one of the like, two times that I will not a comment with me being any character. Also, that sandwich icture looks DELICIOUS, but I can’t eat it so I’m sad 🙁

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