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Posts by Flagg Eagleton - Patriot

About Flagg Eagleton - Patriot
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
Beyonce Banned From NFL After Singing “Black National Anthem” Instead of Star Spangled Banner

Beyonce Banned From NFL After Singing “Black National Anthem” Instead of Star Spangled Banner

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inUncategorized11 Comments
The reports are true. She actually did it.
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Joe Rogan Takes On Whoopi Goldberg: “I Actually Went to College”

Joe Rogan Takes On Whoopi Goldberg: “I Actually Went to College”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inWhoppi with Goldberg Pie25 Comments
He was brutally honest, as usual.
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NFL Refuses Kaepernick’s Request for Active Status: “He Should Sell Hair Products”

NFL Refuses Kaepernick’s Request for Active Status: “He Should Sell Hair Products”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inNFL Satire You Can Kneel To5 Comments
The league wants nothing to do with that troublemaker.
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Coach Belichick Overrules Players’ Vote To Allow “Protest” Kneeling: “Not On My Field”

Coach Belichick Overrules Players’ Vote To Allow “Protest” Kneeling: “Not On My Field”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inKneeler Soup13 Comments
Coaches aren't messing around this season.
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Bass Pro Shops Cuts Ties With Liberty Safe: “We Value Our Customers’ Privacy”

Bass Pro Shops Cuts Ties With Liberty Safe: “We Value Our Customers’ Privacy”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inMah Freedums10 Comments
The safe company recently came under fire for releasing combinations to the FBI.
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Megan Rapinoe Says She’s Leaving America: “I Get No Respect”

Megan Rapinoe Says She’s Leaving America: “I Get No Respect”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inPunishing Megan Rapinoe
Will anyone really miss her?
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Bill Gates is Buying Hundreds of Burned Up Lots in Maui for “Pennies on the Dollar”

Bill Gates is Buying Hundreds of Burned Up Lots in Maui for “Pennies on the Dollar”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inUncategorized
He plans to build a new "global facility" on the island.
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Riley Gaines Beats Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the Pro Tour: “She Never Gave Up”

Riley Gaines Beats Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the Pro Tour: “She Never Gave Up”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inAll Swimming Pools Matter11 Comments
This could be the feel-good story of the decade.
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Jason Aldean Refuses $1M Paycheck To Sing The National Anthem at the Super Bowl: “I’ll Do It For Free”

Jason Aldean Refuses $1M Paycheck To Sing The National Anthem at the Super Bowl: “I’ll Do It For Free”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inHero Fetish Sandwiches with Pickle Chips13 Comments
What an outstanding guy.
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Oliver Anthony Walks Away: “Music and Politics Don’t Mix – I Quit”

Oliver Anthony Walks Away: “Music and Politics Don’t Mix – I Quit”

Posted by By Flagg Eagleton - Patriot Posted inOliver Anthony Fan Fiction9 Comments
He regrets being claimed as a prize by pundits on both sides of the political spectrum.
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