Some people take a weekend road trip. Others splurge on an all-inclusive cruise. But when you’re Ashley Biden, daughter of America’s most forgettable former president, you vacation like an elite—on someone else’s dime, naturally. Reports indicate that Ashley spent three luxurious weeks in Tahiti, racking up a bill so outrageous even DOGE (Department of Government Expenditures) couldn’t ignore it.

The total damage? A staggering $3.8 million—a price tag so ridiculous that President Donald J. Trump personally authorized sending her an invoice. Because if there’s one thing Trump doesn’t tolerate, it’s Biden family grift.

A Pricey Escape from Reality

How exactly does someone rack up nearly four million dollars in vacation expenses? According to one White House official (Joe Barron, obviously), the costs included chartered jets, a private villa, and a security detail fit for a queen—because God forbid Ashley be forced to experience the dangers of Tahitian room service without full military backup.

But the real kicker? Sources say she spent a whopping $850,000 on “personal wellness treatments”—which, in elite-speak, means massages, facials, and avocado-infused oxygen therapy. Because nothing says struggle like an exfoliating gold-leaf body wrap at a beachfront spa.

Trump Steps In

While the mainstream media tried to ignore the story, it didn’t escape the watchful eye of President Trump, who took to Truth Social to call out the hypocrisy:

“DISGUSTING! Ashley Biden, the Worst First Daughter in History, spent nearly $4 MILLION on a vacation while REAL Americans suffer! The BIDEN CRIME FAMILY strikes again! I sent her the bill—AND SHE’D BETTER PAY IT!!!”

Naturally, when White House Press Secretary Art Tubolls was asked about Trump’s decision, he had only one response: “It’s about time someone held these people accountable.”

Ashley’s Response? Classic.

In true Biden fashion, Ashley had zero regrets about her extravagant retreat. When reached for comment, she reportedly rolled her eyes and laughed, saying, “Like, I don’t even know how I got that bill. I haven’t lived at my dad’s house in, like, forever.”

She later posted on social media, saying:

“Y’all act like I went on vacation for fun. Self-care is a human right. Also, I didn’t see y’all complaining when Ivanka wore expensive shoes soooo… double standard much?”

Will She Pay?

Trump’s administration has made it crystal clear that the bill is not optional. Reports indicate that DOGE is prepared to garnish the Biden family’s “speaking fees” if Ashley refuses to cough up the cash. And if that doesn’t work?

Trump has suggested seizing Hunter’s laptop and auctioning it off to the highest bidder.

And the Best Part?

CNN has already begun its damage control, running a headline that simply reads:
“Why Are Republicans Obsessed With Attacking Women?”

Classic.

God Bless America.