In what conservatives are calling the scandal of the century, newly uncovered records reveal that Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) accepted a $165,000 Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) loan—under the mysterious job title of “Gaming Consultant.”
While initial reports suggested she might have used the money for a luxurious, tax-funded Twitch streaming career, the truth turned out to be much more suspicious: AOC immediately redistributed the entire sum by paying 165,000 people $1 each and donating the rest to charity.
“This is an outrageous misuse of government funds,” raged Fox News host Tucker Hannity Ingraham, who himself received $4.2 million in PPP loans to help his struggling media empire stay afloat. “I mean, come on! She just… gave the money away? What kind of socialist nonsense is this?!”
AOC’s spokesperson, Joe Barron, attempted to clarify the situation, but his explanations only fueled further conservative outrage.
“Yes, Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez applied for the PPP loan,” Barron admitted. “She listed herself as a ‘Gaming Consultant’ because, frankly, she does play video games and occasionally consults with people while doing it. Ever seen her Twitch streams? She literally gives people life advice while playing ‘Among Us.’”
When pressed on how exactly the money was spent, Barron stunned reporters by revealing that AOC had taken the full $165,000 and evenly distributed it among 165,000 random Americans—sending each of them exactly $1.00 via Venmo with the caption “Enjoy Capitalism”—before donating the remainder to a charity that buys books for underfunded public schools.
The reaction was immediate and furious among conservative lawmakers, many of whom had personally received millions in forgiven PPP loans for their “small businesses”—which, coincidentally, included their law firms, car dealerships, and private jets.
“This is an insult to the hard-working American taxpayer,” thundered Senator Mitch Flanagan (R-KY), who took a $3.5 million PPP loan for his family’s “essential” yacht repair business. “PPP funds were meant to help struggling businesses—not to be handed out in some kind of progressive cash giveaway! That money should have gone where it was truly needed—like subsidizing oil executives’ third homes.”
In the wake of the backlash, House Republicans announced an emergency investigation into AOC’s “Gaming Consultant” grift. Meanwhile, several conservative think tanks have launched in-depth studies to determine whether it is physically possible to commit fraud by not actually keeping any of the money.
When asked for comment, AOC laughed and shrugged. “I just thought I’d stimulate the economy the same way corporations do—by handing out government money. But instead of giving it to billionaires, I figured I’d try giving it to, you know, people.”
Despite the controversy, most of the 165,000 Americans who received their $1 donations seem thrilled. One recipient, a fast-food worker from Ohio, summed up his feelings perfectly:
“I just got more money from AOC than I ever did from trickle-down economics.”
