While we all would have preferred her to remain a dim-witted bartender in The Bronx, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ unfortunate rise to power in her district has led to much wasted time in congress arguing irrational points and preposterous proposals. 

Now, her wanton carelessness has endangered the lives of millions of New Yorkers. On New Year’s Eve, AOC hosted and bartended at a “Coyote Ugly” type of party in The Bronx despite New York City’s stay at home order to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

The party was attended by over 1200 of her biggest donors and environmental lobbyists, including members of the Sierra Club, National Audubon Society, and the Arbor Day Foundation. The open bar was funded by your tax dollars, and included top-shelf liquor from Jim Beam, Southern Comfort, Jose Cuervo, Wolfschmidt, and an experimental soju from the Pyongyang Distillery. 

The soju was a gift from the North Korean dictator and longtime penpal of AOC, Kim Jong Un.

Nancy Pelosi arrived at the party already drunk, according to witnesses. She almost brought the party to a screeching halt as she tumbled into the champagne fountain and vomited in the punch bowl, but determined party-goers would not let the wretched hag deter from their celebration.

AOC immediately jumped up on the bar announcing it was time for body shots. Her, along with guest bartenders Jane Fonda and Yoko Ono, stripped down to their skivvies as gentlemen and lady callers alike lapped up shots flowing over their taints like toxic waterfalls. 

Not only was COVID-19 spread at this event, many guests who participated in the body shots left with a full complement of herpes and a strain of syphilis not seen since the 1890s.

An initial estimate of the cost of the party given to us by a member of the House Oversight Committee who wished to remain anonymous puts it at $1.5 million. Add to this the countless medical bills the will surely be incurred by attendees and their family members and the cost becomes unimaginable.


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