The “Squad” just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. In the latest episode of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do,” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar have found themselves in hot water over what some are calling the most blatant case of campaign finance fraud since Beto O’Rourke sold personalized skateboards to oil lobbyists.

According to newly released FOIA documents, both Congresswomen raised tens of millions of dollars in donations—wait for it—outside their own districts. That’s right. While AOC is supposed to represent New York’s 14th and Omar hails from Minnesota’s 5th, their fundraising machines have been raking in cash from Malibu yoga studios, Portland kombucha bars, and more than one hemp farm in Boulder, Colorado.

“The law is very clear,” said Federal Elections Commission Interim Director Joe Barron. “Representatives are legally restricted to direct fundraising within their own congressional districts. These ladies pulled in upwards of $25 million each, much of it from places that couldn’t find their districts on a map if you offered them free oat milk for life.”

The FEC estimates that nearly 80% of AOC’s 2024 haul came from outside of Queens and the Bronx. Omar’s figures show similar discrepancies, including one suspiciously large donation that was processed during a Bernie Sanders livestream promoting “cooperative tofu futures.”

Now, the legal consequences loom large. If convicted, each representative could face up to a year in prison and a $1 million fine—plus the indignity of having to explain campaign finance laws to Marjorie Taylor Greene, which some say is punishment enough.

But of course, the spin machine is already in full swing. AOC’s office released a statement blaming “confusing maps,” “outdated postal codes,” and “that one intern who keeps clicking the wrong button on ActBlue.” Ilhan Omar went with the classic “racism and Islamophobia” defense, claiming the FEC only cares because she’s not white and not Republican.

And if you think the mainstream media will do its job, think again. CNN ran the story under the headline: “AOC and Omar Demonstrate Bold, Inclusive Fundraising Model.” MSNBC followed up with: “Campaign Finance Laws Rooted in Colonialism.”

Meanwhile, DOGE (Department of Government Ethics) has launched an independent audit. “We didn’t want to touch this one,” said Special Investigator Art Tubolls, “but after we found a PayPal receipt from AOC’s campaign to something called ‘AntifaPAC420,’ we figured we should at least glance at the ledger.”

Sources say both women have already lawyered up and are preparing to claim they were set up by a “right-wing conspiracy.” We’d believe them—if the paper trail didn’t include handwritten notes like “Call Seattle for donations – they LOVE us.”

At the end of the day, it’s just another reminder that when it comes to rules, the Squad prefers to make them, break them, and then accuse you of privilege for pointing it out.

God Bless America.