The shakeup at Anheuser Busch continues in the wake of what may have been the dumbest thing a company could ever conceivably do. CEO Augustus Anheuser III left the corporate headquarters in shame after tendering his resignation.

“The whole thing is ultimately my fault,” said Anheuser, “I should have never approved that campaign.”

The company also fired the entire marketing department responsible for the whole mess. Vice President and Interim CEO Joe Barron says they have a long way to go to regain the public’s trust.

“We’ll have to be vigilant and make sure our advertising is acceptable for all. The cancel culture left is always looking for a reason to take a brand out, so catering to them didn’t make a lot of sense.”

The company is also in talks with Nike, Yeti, Coca-Cola, and Disney to find out how they recovered from the devastating boycotts of patriotic Americans. “I plan to join the group therapy sessions on Tuesdays,” said Barron.

Anheuser Busch will likely lose tens of millions this quarter and there’s a chance they’ll stop producing Bud Light altogether if things get any worse.

“Travis Tritt called for our demise,” said Barron, “there are powerful voices at play. Between him and Kid Rock who knows if we’ll survive at all.”

Let’s hope not, patriots. Go woke go broke. God Bless America.

36 Comments

  1. Fred

    Not enough. Entire woke staff, ever senior executive must resign. No severance. No legacy benefits. MAKE WOKE BROKE!

    • Dennis Clancy

      You are exactly right. I’ve said that about other corporations too right down to the janitor. They are not to be trusted. I said it about the Dept. of Education too.

      • make woke broke is a big fat (like trump) joke

        THIS SITE IS SATIRE LOL. Also, trump told me to send 500 yellow haired monkeys who have eaten the entire taco bell menu to the tots who believe this crap! Be warned >:)

  2. Thomas Prendergast

    I will never buy Anheuser-Busch products for the rest of my life. I pray they file bankruptcy and we never hear of them again.

    • bankruptDeez Nuts

      never hear of them again? That’s too harsh AND THIS SITE IS SATIRE BAYBEEEEEEE LOL

  3. Sam Axe

    One problem: The CEO is Brendan Whitworth

    August Busch III served as President of the Anheuser-Busch Companies, Inc. (ABC) from 1974 until June 2002, and chief executive officer of ABC from 1975 until June 2002. He was chairman of the Board of Directors of ABC from 1977 to 2006.

    • Texannie

      So this post is a joke? No one resigned?

      • bankruptDeez Nuts

        Yup! And water is wet! And clouds are white!

  4. Robert

    “The company is also in talks with Nike, Yeti, Coca-Cola, and Disney to find out how they recovered from the devastating boycotts”….Bwhahahhahahahahha THEY NEVER DID, also ask Dicks sporting goods.

    • dick's satire goods

      It’s called dick’s because tots like bouncing on it.

    • dick's satire goods

      nothings too late in THE WORLD OF SATIRE! LOL!

  5. Mack

    Some of us aren’t stupid. We don’t stay in abusive relationships. If it was my last day on Earth and the last drink available was a Bud Light I’d rather die. There’s nothing they can do to repair it now. There’s a line and they crossed it. Enjoy bankruptcy. Gillette, Bud Light, NHL and the rest of the woke pushers are going down.

    Never again under any circumstances, not if they tried to pay me a million dollars.

    • YugeBoner4Trump

      >Some of us aren’t stupid.

      Yeah, those of us who know a fake news story when they see it. Dumbass.

      • dick's satire goods

        Yuge will get a gold medal for explaining te obvious satire to a tot, meanwhile the tot will get 500 monkeys who have been feed very powerful laxatives.

  6. kathie jansson

    ive hated Budweiser for many, many years (story too long to go into here) glad to see them finally get a kick in their balls..DemoRATS might have more #s than us but we have the the power of the purse – go woke, go to hell

    • Jack Meoff

      Companies that try to force feed us the perversion of Modern society. You”re degrading women with this modern day minstral show. Reap what you sow.

    • Dennis Clancy

      Actually I think the numbers are in our favor. I’ve been in the field on a statewide political campaign and have witnessed it. Most people keep to themselves rather than tangle with a militant woke mob. We have to get everyone involved while we still can.

    • Jim Nelson

      What does democrats have to with it? Where did this get political?

      • The site is POLITICAL SATIRE!

        THIS SITE IS SATIRE BTW LOL

  7. Does anyone really believe that it’s just a “coincidence” this is happening on Easter weekend? God will not be mocked!!

    • God

      IDGAF if people mock me, that’s why the human population hasn’t been wiped out by a flood again. Dummy. This site is satire BTW.

  8. Cubtservatives Worship-Satan

    Macy you named yourself after what you actually are. Then again I guess “I’m a cunt-faced little bitch idiot.com” was already taken. I really hope you kill yourself. It’s not that you deserve to die it’s that you need to die for the good of society. Plus you are a mother fucking cocksucking dick licking piece of shit.

    • God

      who is macy? what did she do? I’m so confused!

  9. LJY

    Can’t tell which you know this is satire and just playing along. People aren’t this stupid, are they? BTW, the pic is of the late great pedophile Jerry Sandusky.

    • God

      99 percent mental asylum escapes like the joker, 1 percent smart people who can detect satire.

  10. David

    And another one bites the dust. No them, you. This is false information.

    • God

      of course! Do you want a medal with trumps juicy buttcheeks on them?

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