The system of news media is the only vocation specifically mentioned in the United States constitution. It is referred to colloquially as the “Fourth Estate” as a statement of its purpose to function as a watchdog on the three branches of government, Executive, Legislative, and Shemp.
However, a recent press-release authored by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi highlights just how fragile the institution has become, as the Marxist Mumbling Madam wields the power granted to her by a small majority of California liberals.
Calling the recent controversy over alleged damning evidence against presidential candidate Joe Biden discovered on his son’s comically-discovered laptop “fake news”, Pelosi has ordered a blanket media blackout on reportage of the tale.
Pelosi’s Media Representitive and ice cream curator Sandy Batt explained why this particular item was deemed to be “Bullshitta-non-grata” by the Speaker’s office.
“It’s a colossal waste of time during an important election season. In 2016, Americans were duped by idiotic narratives pushed by foreign trolls that Hillary Clinton had secret emails and was a serial killer and ate babies and whatever, and unfortunately, there’s a lot of morons who bought into it and voted for Trump, a legally convicted professional con man. It’s not going to happen again.
The Hunter Biden laptop story is so obvious in it’s bullshittery that only brain-addled mental patients would believe it, but again, unfortunately, that describes the impeached President’s base.
Mrs. Pelosi is holding real news reportage accountable. Now turn off the Fox News and unlike the ‘Prager University’ shitpage on Facebook. Nobody thinks you’re smart when you share racist garbage from the world’s dumbest fake school.”
The Speaker has cautioned that penalties will be levied on any organization that reports hilarity like a repair shop 3000 miles away with a blind owner being part of a terrible Bourne Identity script written by drunken “Borat” star Rudy Guliani.
Social media giants Facebook and Twitter have complied, even though neither has ever been accredited as a “news source” to begin with.
