Scientists across the country are carefully monitoring the pandemic situation, with more than a few predicting that the newest faction of the deadly disease will dominate through August. The Delta variant.
There’s also a Gamma Variant but it only affects complete loser dicklobblers.
One such braniac, Bill Nye, is almost perplexed in his warnery. He’s predicting that the new coat that the bug has wrapped itself in will soon be extremely viral, causing the American death toll to skyrocket. To over one million deaths.
“This is very very similar to Steven King’s book ‘The Stand’, the preeminent thinky pants said while wrapping his entire body in a paper mask. “This newest version of Captain Trips is moving non-stop across the topography of the country, and by labor day, will have eliminated nearly 98% of the population. We’re screwed.”
Joined by hairdresser and Black Lives Matter’s official Master of Hot Sauce Sandy Batt, Nye’s alarm system seems primed and doubly disturbing.
“What it is is the unvaccinated who are moving this pandemic into its horrifying conclusion. I mean, when this thing first hit, we all dreamed of shots that would save us. So now we have them, and they won’t get them. They just won’t. They’re literally about to erase themselves from the human race through moronity. Does anyone care?”
“I care if we can bust Obama or anyone else black for it. Except Will Smith. He’s already a general in the QFuckers army.”
According to a recent poll from Queefing Stone magazine, the answer is a resounding “no.” What can be done to convince paranoid schizophrenic dipshits to walk down to their closest CVS and get a free lifesaving shot?
Jon Guluv, a fifty-two year old vaccine-denyer from Tardlandia, Oklahoma, says that he has no plans to be vaccinated soon.
“I saw that Bill Gates or someone puts chips in it or something to know where we all are at all times. That’s insidious and also pointless. Ooh, and I saw that there’s side-effects like penile leprosy and skin squishening. I don’t need none of that shit.”
Will Bill Nye be our savior? Or is he just a libtard gone wild?
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
