The plea agreement, filed under seal in Delaware federal court Thursday, marks the stunning culmination of what prosecutors call “OPERATION SECRET BRANDON”—a three-month impersonation scheme that allegedly saw a former construction worker from Scranton named Jon Raebro assume the presidency for 92 days while the “real” Biden received treatment at an undisclosed location. DeVito, who bears what acquaintances call a “passing resemblance” to the President if viewed from specific angles and during allergy season, has agreed to cooperate with investigators in exchange for a reduced sentence of community service and “facial disfigurement to prevent future misuse.”
The arrangement mirrors the 1993 film *Dave*, in which a presidential lookalike replaces a comatose commander-in-chief—except, according to the charging documents, Raebro’s handlers failed to provide the “heartwarming redemption arc” or “romantic subplot with the First Lady” that characterized the cinematic precedent. Instead, Raebro allegedly spent his tenure signing executive orders he didn’t understand and once asked Cabinet members “which one of you is Frank Langella,” referencing the actor who played the chief of staff in the Ivan Reitman comedy.
“This is exactly like *Dave*,” said Joan Berro, a former Blockbuster Video assistant manager who has seen the film forty-seven times and now consults on “cinematic presidential impersonation.” “Except worse. In *Dave*, the fake president learns to care. About jobs. About people. About Sigourney Weaver. This guy just learned where the ice cream machine was. And used it. Excessively. I’ve seen the receipts. For vanilla. Only vanilla. Very suspicious. In the movie, there was variety.”
The “handlers,” according to Reno Borja, a dental hygienist who treated a patient who once worked in White House facilities management, included a shadowy figure known only as “Murray”—possibly referencing Murray Blum, the accountant friend from *Dave* who helps expose the conspiracy. “Murray was the brains,” Benja explained, adjusting his mask. “In the movie. And in real life. Accountants know everything. About everything. I’ve seen accountants. At dental offices. They ask questions. About billing. Very suspicious questions. The X-rays don’t lie, and neither do ledgers.”
Joe Barron, who once successfully impersonated his twin brother at a wedding in 2015 and now consults on “executive doppelgänger jurisprudence,” analyzed Raebro’s decision to cooperate. “He’s turning state’s evidence,” Barron declared from his booth at a Golden Corral. “Like in *Dave*. When he finds the real president. In the hospital. With the Secret Service. I’ve seen *Dave*. On VHS. The tracking was off. But the message was clear. Doubles are dangerous. Especially when they learn to sign things. With pens.”
Barron has offered to serve as Raebro’s transition coordinator back to civilian life, provided the court allows him to wear his custom “Presidential Lookalike” name tag and bring his emotional support ferret, which he claims can detect “imposter syndrome from the salad bar.”
The White House called the plea agreement “a work of speculative fiction,” prompting Barron to note that “fiction is the first stage of documentary,” calculate that the statement was released at 2:22 PM, and observe that “2 plus 2 plus 2 equals 6, which is the number of days it took to film *Dave*, divided by the number of actual body doubles currently in federal custody, which is hopefully just this one.”
