Washington, D.C. – In what legal scholars are calling “the most aggressively pedantic ruling in U.S. history,” 16th Circuit Court Judge Joe Barron has canceled 84 of President Biden’s pardons because the president wrote the wrong date on the official paperwork.
According to court records, Biden, while signing a stack of pardons for nonviolent offenders, mistakenly dated them 2023 instead of 2024—a move that Judge Barron claims invalidates the entire process.
“In this courtroom, the law is the law,” Barron stated in his ruling. “And if the President of the United States can’t be bothered to remember what year it is, then I see no reason why these convicted individuals should benefit from his negligence.”
The ruling has sparked mass confusion among legal experts, White House staff, and the 84 people who were halfway out the prison gates before being told to turn around. One inmate, visibly frustrated, said, “I did 10 years for selling weed. Now I’m back in here because the President had a ‘senior moment’?”
The White House has pushed back, with Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre insisting that “dates are subjective” and that “time is a social construct.” Meanwhile, House Republicans have called for an emergency hearing to investigate whether this was intentional election interference by the Biden administration against itself.
As for Judge Barron, he remains unapologetic. “If the President wants to fix this, he can submit a new request with the correct date, in triplicate, and have it notarized by someone who remembers where they are.”
For now, the 84 prisoners will have to wait for Biden to find a working pen, remember the date, and hope Judge Barron doesn’t decide to cancel leap years next.
