In yet another stunning twist in America’s never-ending legal circus, 10th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Joseph Barron has officially overruled Judge James Boasberg’s attempt to halt deportation flights, declaring that the removals will continue effective immediately.
The ruling comes after Boasberg, citing “humanitarian concerns” and a rather vague interpretation of immigration law, tried to block flights that were set to transport thousands of individuals back to their home countries. Critics quickly pointed out that the move would have left ICE agents twiddling their thumbs on an airstrip while taxpayers footed the bill for unused charter planes and in-flight meal vouchers labeled “For Official Deportations Only.”
“This is a huge win for the rule of law,” said Senator Art Tubolls, who personally attended the hearing with a large foam finger that read ‘Flights Departing: 24/7’. “We cannot allow activist judges to disrupt the process every time they get a sad email from an advocacy group with a name like Families Against Consequences.”
Judicial Whiplash Begins
But just as ICE officials were gearing up to resume deportation operations, the ruling was immediately challenged by the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, where Judge Marla Berkowitz issued an emergency injunction to block Barron’s decision. In her ruling, she cited “a pressing need for further consideration, as well as a previously scheduled lunch that cannot be interrupted.”
Mere hours later, Judge Franklin Dobbins of the D.C. Circuit Court stepped in, claiming Berkowitz had “exceeded her authority,” and his ruling would reinstate the deportation flights. However, this lasted only 45 minutes before Judge Antonio Velasquez of the California Supreme Court determined that “flights of this nature require a more thoughtful review process,” pausing deportations indefinitely while requesting an impact study on the emotional well-being of flight attendants.
At this point, the case was inexplicably kicked back down to the 5th Circuit Court, where Judge Leonard “Len” Haversham reinstated Barron’s original ruling, only to be reversed three hours later by Judge Samantha Loughton of the Minnesota Appeals Board, citing “weather conditions and mercury being in retrograde.”
Final Stop: Billings, Montana
With legal experts baffled, the case eventually found its way to Justice of the Peace Clyde “Buck” Fetterman in Billings, Montana, after every higher court either contradicted itself or went on recess.
“Well, hell,” said Judge Fetterman, adjusting his bolo tie while reviewing a legal brief that had been printed on the back of a gas station receipt. “I reckon deportations are legal, but also, seems like if we keep this going, we’ll run out of judges before we run out of objections.”
As of press time, Justice Fetterman had postponed his ruling until after his fishing trip, while both ICE officials and deportees sat at an airport terminal waiting for an answer, some already exchanging contact information in case they were seated together again on a future flight.
