Woke Super Bowl Halftime Show Gets Worst Ratings of All Time

The numbers are in, and they’re not good for Super Bowl LVII Producers. Rihanna’s extra-woke halftime show got the worst ratings of any in the history of halftime shows.

Advertisers were counting on a windfall of views to make the record-breaking $140 million per 30 seconds of airtime worth it. According to Nielsen, they fell way short.

“They were looking for a 14 market share,” said Nielson spokesman Joe Barron, “which would give them an 8 count 40 on the backend, meaning thirty million views per ten thousand live hits online. They only hit a marginal m12, leaving no fewer than 16 counts unreported.”

Wow. Numbers like that sound more like a Wimbledon match than the Super Bowl. According to Guinness, this show will live in the books for a variety of reasons. “The Black National Anthem was way above and beyond,” said Gerry from Philadelphia, who said he had a hard time enjoying the game after that already, and that Rihanna was the final straw. “Me and Louise packed it in and went home,” he said. The party at the Doherty’s wasn’t the same after that.

Producers will have to take a good long look at just how terrible the show was before scheduling something so woke again. Hopefully, next year they’ll get a good wholesome country act.