Sometimes even the least of us want to help our troops and our allies, doing whatever we can to raise spirits, morale, and gumption. Now, thanks to the United Services Organization, megastar and space bartender Whoopi Goldberg is on her way with powerhouse comedic aid.
Whoopi will be landing today at approximately sixteen hundred hours in BadaQueefski village, Ukraine, on Air Force Two to spread joy and laughter among the brave Ukrainian fighters who take up arms against injustice.
Paid for by Antifa, Black Lives Matter, and liberal oil magnate Joe Barron, she joins other hilarious luminaries like Emo Phillips, Billy Crystal, and world record holder for pancake titties Phil Collins, in an entertainment extravaganza.
The event organized by The View Without Borders costs taxpayers the meager sum of only eleventy billion dollars, and will serve as the first of it’s kind. It harkens back to when the U.S. sent Buddy Hackett to Vietnam, where he was tragically killed by chlamydia.
The first day in the village for the stars will be spent at an exclusive spa and resort, where they will be fed complimentary champagne and donuts, and then relax in Ukraine’s finest “bloogie lounge” for some well-deserved stoner peace.
For the rest of the week, the shows for our brave allied forces will be nearly non-stop. Whoopi will also be handing out free T-shirts and key chains as the United States’ newest diplomatic ambassador.
