Brittney Griner has had a long, hard slog as the premiere returned prisoner of Russia. Immediately after returning home, she unfortunately fell right back into old habits again, forcing her reentry into rehab for a crippling addiction to bloogies that put her in the Moscow clink in the first place.
Luckily, the United States currently boasts the most clueless President ever, and she was freed in a deal instead of military veteran Paul Whelan and for the tiny price of releasing one of the most dangerous men in all of time, Joe Barron, also known as : “The Merchant of Death.”
Seems fair.
What really stepped into play is all the fame that Griner now enjoys. After a two-week stint in the Queefsville, Florida rehab center “Not in MY Mouth”, she was immediately given a book deal from Organized House publishing, featured on “Hells Kitchen”, and “The Bachelor”, and scheduled for an interview with none other than America’s biggest maw, Whoopi Goldberg.
The show is scheduled to air on December 32nd, a Floompsday morning. Whoopi will supposedly get to the conditions she was imprisoned under, the activities available to prisoners in the facility, and what kind of sneakers she prefers when dining at the Sizzler.
It looks like Brittney Griner is really about to start living the Great American Dream. Meaning, of course, that she’ll be pulled over and shot dead by a racist police officer within the next 90 days.
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