On the heels of their extremely successful mask policy, Walmart is set to change the game again, this time with a dress code policy aimed directly at their shoppers. Walmart understands that this will be controversial, like mandating that customers wear masks, but believes it’s for the greater good of their customers and associates.
Walmart developed the dress code after the CEO decided to tour their stores around the country to see what they were doing to battle the pandemic. He was shocked at what he had seen, from his associates but also from the customers that shopped there.
Spokesperson Joseph Barron stated,
“The things he saw, he was horrified. It was unbelievable. Our boss took action.”
Barron went on to say “We expect the bare minimum out of people. Not to dress in the bare minimum”.
He continued saying there are just some things that should be left unseen, and for public health reasons, they should stay that way.
“Nobody wants to see your butt crack, or your armpit hair, and that goes for gentlemen and ladies, both terms which I use very loosely.”
Things that will no longer be allowed in Walmart are shirts that expose more than two inches of cleavage, and pants that expose more than two inches of ass. Also banned are Trump shirts, hats, and other items because “you don’t need to announce you’re an idiot. You’re shopping here. We already assumed you were.”
There’s now also a shower requirement for shopping.
“Look people, for God’s sakes, shower before you come to our stores. It’s 2020 and it’s not too much to ask.”
Also banned are pets. Service animals are fine, but dogs, cats, birds, and goats, especially goats, are now verboten. They ask that you either leave them in your trailer home or your pick up truck.
There will be pushback on these requirements, but where else are you going to shop with your social security check?
