I’m sure we’ve all been waiting with baited breath for the Big Announcement ever since Donald Jehosephat Trump declared that it would be made public on November 15th. Well slap your ass and call you mom a filthy hooer, because today is that day.
According to on-the-spot reporting from ALLOD investigative journalist Joe Barron today, Trump’s sometimes rambling, and yet often chill-inducing speech laid out everything on his tiny mind.
“Good day to all of my favorite Americans. I have some serious announcements to make today. As many of you may know, I saved a bundle of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Isn’t that great? I know, right? I just took Melanie and her kid whatshisname off.”
“Anyway, I’m also switching parties. Okay? That’s right. Guaranteed. No more Moldy Mitch or Fake Fox or Crabby Crazy Christians. Yeah. We’re all Democrats now. Right? I figured it’s time for a change, y’know?”
Trump, formerly a conservstive Republican President, feels that the parties naturally switch places over time into popular and recessive platforms, and that the last midterm election was a sign of Conservatism finally dying like a well-beaten prostitute.
“It’s going to be fantastic,” chortled the 400 pound senior citizen from his massive dribble hole. “I can finally eat sushi and watch the View in peace like I’ve always wanted. Love you, Whoopi.”
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