As we all sat in awe yesterday after waiting with, again, baited breath for weeks following the announcement that former President Donald Trump would be announcing an announcement, our dreams were quickly realized: he’s running once more in 2024.
After a rambling self-congratulatory speech filled mostly with lies, propaganda, and birthday cake burps, the Tangerine Traitor went on to declare himself a nominee, making history as both the first twice-impeached candidate and the oldest living shitpile to run for elected office.
ALLOD Political expert Joe Barron says that Trump stands about as much of a chance as John Travolta getting laid by a female.
“He’s really pushing the envelope here. I mean, he got lucky once, fooling so many people into just blindly accepting their worst natures. I’m fairly certain that voting for him a third time is perfect reason to have the kids call adult protective services on you as if you were a chainsaw hoarder.”
Lumberjack or not, Trump still managed to raise two point two billion dollars in the last day simply by automatically having it deducted from social security checks of his supporters. 99-year old Melissa Southard is one of the “Trump Plumpers.”
“I jest love him, and so does my nine-year old Chihuahua Mr. Popsy Doodle. We’ll both be sharing the Alpo for awhile for Mr. Trump, but it’s worth it! Maga!”
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