WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking turn of events, federal investigators have issued subpoenas for Adam Kinzinger, Liz Cheney, and Mitt Romney, accusing them of election interference and spreading misinformation—not by lying, but by committing an even more egregious crime: telling the truth.
Truth-Telling: A Dangerous Precedent
The Justice Department, now under intense pressure from both parties to crack down on radical honesty, alleges that Kinzinger, Cheney, and Romney deliberately spread factual statements that could destabilize the political landscape.
“These individuals knowingly and willingly told the truth about elections, democracy, and the rule of law,” said one Justice Department official. “This level of recklessness could seriously undermine the public’s faith in misinformation.”
The Charges: Fact-Based Interference
Authorities say that between 2020 and 2024, the trio brazenly engaged in acts of political honesty, despite repeated warnings that such behavior could cause mass confusion among voters who had grown accustomed to more creative interpretations of reality.
- Adam Kinzinger reportedly went on CNN and said that the 2020 election was not stolen.
- Liz Cheney gave multiple speeches claiming that democracy actually matters.
- Mitt Romney allegedly made the grave mistake of acknowledging basic arithmetic.
All three are now facing serious legal consequences under the newly proposed “Truth as Treason Act,” which aims to preserve national stability by ensuring facts remain optional in political discourse.
A History of Habitual Truth-Telling
Legal experts say this indictment was inevitable, given the trio’s history of repeated truth violations.
- Kinzinger, a former member of the January 6th Committee, recklessly described events as they happened, without regard for alternative narratives.
- Cheney, equally guilty, failed to support vital conspiracy theories that many officials had carefully curated.
- Romney, perhaps the worst offender, has been telling the truth since at least 2012, including acknowledging that Russia might not be America’s best friend—a radical claim at the time.
Public Outcry: The Danger of Factual Speech
Reaction has been swift, with misinformation advocacy groups expressing relief that action is finally being taken against these rogue truth-tellers.
“Telling the truth so openly is nothing short of reckless endangerment,” said one political analyst. “It confuses voters, undermines established falsehoods, and worst of all—makes people think.”
Meanwhile, anonymous sources inside Washington report that efforts are already underway to ensure future elections are safeguarded from accidental fact-sharing. One proposed solution is a mandatory “alternative truth” filter on all public statements, ensuring that only carefully curated, digestible misinformation reaches the public.
Kinzinger, Cheney, and Romney on the Run?
As of press time, all three former Republicans remain at large. Kinzinger was last seen attempting to hold a town hall in Illinois where he planned to discuss reality with his constituents. Cheney was reportedly hiding out in a Wyoming bunker made entirely of copies of the U.S. Constitution. Romney, known for his fondness for milk, was allegedly spotted at a Whole Foods, suspiciously purchasing a gallon of skim without lying about it.
The Justice Department warns that anyone caught engaging in similar acts of honesty could face immediate fact-checking and potential exile from Washington.