Taylor Swift Cancels All Tour Dates in ‘Racist’ Florida

Musical artist Taylor Swift is flying at the height of her fame right now.  With a top ten album destroying the charts across the country and a sold-out tour winding daily throughout giant arenas everywhere, she’s really running the proverbial table.

Except for the unfortunate population of the state of Florida, who’s table apparently doesn’t come with any cues, chalk, or Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Swift has completely cancelled all of her touring dates in Florida after the announcement by governor Ron DeSantis that African American studies, a course tracing the history and current events regarding black people, be removed from curriculums.  It’s a fairly astounding show of pure racism and ignorance by the modern GOP.

Assistant governor Joe Barron explained DeSantis’ reasoning behind the cancellation on the popular Florida morning show Wake Up And Smell the Meth.

“The thing is, DeSantis really doesn’t like black people at all.  They’re his least favorite of all the colors.  He feels that in a perfect world, they wouldn’t even be in a University setting in the first place.  I mean, do you need to hear a reason?  It speaks for itself.  Republicans are racist.  They just are.”

Swift made a brief comment about her tour erasure before having her beaver waxed.

“It’s absolutely disgusting, but sadly, what I’d expect from DeSantis and his miserable half-dead state of Florida.  I mean, it’s America’s trash heap.  Why would I go there?  Shitty pizza and metamucil milkshakes?”