Apparently, it’s not enough to have millions, perhaps, billions of dollars in concert and album sales and be arguably, the most famous person in the world.  Now, Taylor Swift wants her own restaurant chain.

And she’s soon going to have it.  Preparing to open in January of next year in seventeen locations to start, will be “Shake It!”, her new chain of vegetarian eateries.  All of the primary locations are in Louisiana and Oklahoma, with more to follow in other states later.

Except Florida.

The songstress/entrepreneur introduced us to her head of operations Joe Barron, who have us a bit of insight into the menu, the style, and the operation of the yummy slums.

“Fresh ingredients, first of all.  Everything will be fresh when you walk in under the Sukkah door, which is based on the Jewish construct.  Don’t bump your head on the gourds!”

” The Chefs and cooks will all be drawn from local communes where they’ll live in peace and solidarity.  All of the vegetables are free-range.  We even have chicken shaped patties for the kids.  They’re made from soy and animal droppings, but you get it.”

Swift is said to be contributing over eight million in startup fees to the enterprise.  Let’s hope “Shake It!” turns out a hell of a lot better than Garth Brooks’ bar.

208 Comments

  1. liberalinator 9001

    I’ve seen the videos Bro – she’s DEFINITELY a meat eater.

    ( And with that much jizz on her face, can’t believe she didn’t shake it off, shake it off )

    I’ll see myself out …

  2. Hello. I am Joe Biden. I decided to spike the food with wokeium. It will make the right leaning food reviewers who eat it actually use their brain for once and stop falling for obvious satire like this.

  3. The Puppy Killer Chick

    嘿 KKRUN – 滚蛋,当你到达那里时……再去他妈的你这个笨拙的屄袋!!

    P.S Joe – any chance you could spike the Kool Aid of these foreigh fucktards with wokeium as well ?

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  5. Mike Hunt

    C’mon Smithy – at least put in an effort if you want to entice people to your jargon heavy wankfest website…. what sort of fucktard will swallow “whitehat methods”, “state of the art AI” ( Nah Bro – sign me up for the 2nd rate shit AI thanks ) and “outstanding support”. (out of fucks to give support for me Mike )

    At least that cocksmoking pig fondler from Monkey Digital will paint 50 monkeys yellow and hum the Star Spangled Banner with one of Trumpy’s tiny, tiny testicles (it’s not just the hands !) in his mouth as he delicately probes the Presidential prostate with a well placed digit.

    And what sort of genetic throwback opens with Good Day.

    2/10 Must try harder.
    Or fuck off … nobody cares either way.
    ( apart from the painted Monkeys – they’re fucking gagging for it )

    • Thank you mike! One of trump’s tiny testicles truly does make a great noise!

      • Nuts everywhere

        Why wouldn’t it Prez … it’s the only one he’s got and empty vessels make the most noise – as you can see from the cockwombles below.

        • the satiremaster

          Correct! Also, you should send goatse to all of the people who actually believe in this 😀

          • Naked Anus Stretcher - need both tiny hands

            Okie Dokie !

            Googled to ensure we’re on the right track here :

            Goatse.cx
            Website

            goatse.cx, often referred to simply as “Goatse”, was originally an Internet shock site. Its front page featured a picture, entitled hello.jpg, showing a naked man widely stretching his anus with both hands. Wikipedia

            Sounds like Trumpy’s court case …

  6. Jeraldinfuh - few brain cells Jeraldin.

    Good Day

    ОТВАЛИ ДЖЕРАЛЬДИНФУХ, ТЫ ПИЗДА КОММУНИКА, ТЫ МАЛЕНЬКАЯ СУЧКА… ТАК ЖЕ, КАК И ТЫ, МАМА!!

    • the satiremaster

      Okie Dokie! *sends the yellow monkeys to Good Day*

      • Good Day - where's my monkeys ?

        Not received – send me your bank account details and I’ll deposit more cash.

        Prince OooogAAAABalooga of Nigeria III

        • Joe Biden

          Ok. My bank details are 7rump5’5 pVb1c h41r5

          • King OooogAAAABalooga of Nigeria

            Good Day Sleepy – as you can see I’ve usurped the idiot son and taken over myself ( much like with Barron ).

            Melania’s hostage retention programme is proving more expensive than anticipated ( something about Stormy shame ? ) so send more cash.

  7. SECURITY

    Good Day,

    Not sure what a ckicken is – but I’ll be clucked if Mike’s not blowing that as well as chickens.

    • the satiremaster

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      • CluckWit - D.J Trump

        You mean this isn’t real news – FFS Bro … why didn’t somebody tell me !!

        Donald DuckWit

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  9. Fucking Russians - get back to the war you spineless cowards and sacrifice your worthless lives for Mad Vlad

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      • Fallis Gunnington's Bot Bot

        I’ll have a word to myself after I finish trolling the fresh batch of fucktards …

        • Joe Biden

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          • Gallis Funnington's Bot Bat

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  12. Nathan's Mum - the Sword Swallower

    Nathan – it’s your Momma that wins all those Hot Dog eating contests right ?
    ( And by “Hot Dog” I mean cock – human, animal … yo Momma chokes ’em all back Bro ! )

    I’ll get Joe Biden to send those 50 painted monkeys her way – there’ll be more chimp jizz on her face than after a Michael Jackson house party !

    Like you Nathan – he was forever blowing Bubbles…

    Мама Нейтана глотает члены – черт возьми, их КУЧА, братан!!

      • Shirt Tucker - or Wanker

        Hmmm – that sounds tough to do … is it like Trumpy’s Covid “cure” where you inject it directly into the Chimp wanger, or the Rudi Giuliani method where you wank yourself stupid* in front of a juvenile monkey and pretend you’re tucking your shirt in, then throw the acid soaked jizz at the underage simian ?

        Asking for a friend ….

        * Wouldn’t take long

        • Joe Biden

          The *ahem* “good” ol trump covid method.

          • Big Bad Bubba Bumming Flaccid Anus Donny J

            Still not as many pricks as he’ll receive in jail …

  13. Security

    Leave it with me Fallis – I’ll sort these Phallis Polishers out with one of VPN Coupon’s special coupons … or a white hat solution from that other card carrying fuckwit Mike from Monkey Digital.

    I miss those guys ( in much the same way Trumpy misses the herpes and tiny, tiny genital warts )…

      • Cock Smoker Don

        That’s why he’s trying to ban Tik Tok … it’s the sound his tiny, tiny testicles make when they slap up against the porn star’s clacker as he approaches the vinegar stroke grunting “Ivanka, Ivanka your Papa’s a wanker”.

        Tik Tok, Tik Tok , Trumpy’s in jail smoking cock …

          • Steve Bannon

            Hopefully he takes me with him – I’m the brains behind the Orange Buffoon

  14. These fucktards are Kraken me up !!

    Loganarish – if by rish you mean bottom dwelling parasite fuckwit who should have been drowned at birth.

    Which we all do ……

    Отвали вы, русские кракенские пизды !!

      • Travis Kelce

        Back in the kitchen Girlfriend !

          • Tay-Tays Ta Ta's out

            And whip the puppies out while you’re at it Sista !

  15. These Fucktards are Kraken me up !

    Five fatuous fucktards in a row and then a mega onion moron to finish – is this a personal record for the bottom dwelling parasite cunt cult ??

    Вернись к войне, гребаные бесхребетные русские пизды !!

    • Putin's baby daddy

      Yup! Put them in the Guinness book of world shames! Nearly as shameful as trumps lawyers!

      • Trumpy's IOU writer - busiest man in the legal fraternity after Rudi's hair dye guy

        Funniest part of that is those dipshit cock wombles think they’re getting paid !

        But as Melania says : if you’ve got half a mind to become a Trump supporter then do it – it’s certainly more than you’ll ever need …

  16. Mad Vlad the Commie Cock Cuddler

    Back to the war you spineless cowards – stop wasting your time posting unintelligible gibbersih to these Western Imperialist Running Dogs and sacrifice your worthless lives to reunite the empire instead.

    I have spoken – don’t make me bring back the poison underpants or polonium tea you fucktards.

    Don’t want to die for the whims of a tiny little peckerhead … as we say in Ukraine : Crimea River

    • Putin's baby daddy

      Yes! War = epic, tiny peckered commenters = not epic!

      • Trumpy's Daddy Baby - hang on ... that's ME Bro ... what the !

        Tru dat Mad Vlad – but tiny pecker commenters = Republican Party base / Fox News leadership.

          • Ben Dover

            I’ll be Trumpy’s Bung Hole Daddy in Jail Bro

  17. Tucker Carlson

    Yeah – whatever he said.

    I love Mad Vlad – he lets me tongue his nuts as he jabs furiously at my anus with his impotent little love rocket.

    Tucker “I DEFINITELY wasn’t sacked by FOX News” Carlson.

    • Rupert Murdoch

      You’re fired again you greasy little arse licker !

      P.S Nobody’s watching your show so you now have to sell your arse to those Convict Aussies … what a fucking LOSER Bro !

      • Ben Shapiro

        jfsdghdfjcvdmgdfjkhgdjcghmkeksdPutinNKJDFGDFKJCMFHDJKFHSDJKFCMHDKTiny Pecker LOLjhfefgncjdhgjfchgdjfhcmfjvf

        • Mor Toledano

          Even at 2x speed I can confirm you have a tiny little pecker, exceeded in its tinyness only by the complete void between your ears.

          No wonder I trawl for cock when you’re not home.

          Keep it on the down low tho Fallis – he may be a micro peckered fuckwit, but as long as the cash rolls in I’ll keep smoking pork sword away from home.

          P.S Dinner’s in the oven – no need to re-heat as it’s what you serve up on your show that nobody watches – shit sandwiches.

          P.P.S ( Or is it P.S.S – fucked if I know Bro ) I’m always Blinken when I try to find your wee todger, so as Blinken sang in the Ukraine : keep Moroccan in the free world

          • Ben Shapiro

            Small n done!

      • Ben Shapiro

        straight from peckerville! Also, rea my comment in 2x speed for an ccurate experience!

        • Bryce Mitchell

          I’ll take you you little bitch.

          • aGay 4Peckers

            take me where? to little pecker ville? I already live there!

        • Ben Down an get your lips 'round this

          Close your eyes and open your mouth … as Bubba will say to Trumpy in Jail …then you’ll be living in sucky town !

    • DickBreath

      Your company – hookers and dero’s

      • Mabel's sugar daddy

        accurate! at least the hookers are pretty. IDK what a dero is though.

        • Krock a Dial Dundee

          Soz Cobber – get your laughing gear ’round this :
          https://slang.com.au/d/derro/
          ( only after googling it did I discover it has 2 rs – strewth ! )
          IDK who Mabel is though Bro

          • Mabel

            It’s me you Aussie fuckwit !

            Fair suck of the sav Digger

  18. Trump "cash"

    my legal teams website is goatse.me becuase it is a gaping a**hole.

    • Trump's GOAT

      My legal team’s terms are now cash upfront – coz when it comes to not paying I’m the GOAT !

      ( And a gaping ARSEHOLE … spell it out loud and proud Bro – you’re amongst Taters here and those cunts love profanity ! )

      F U C K. Y E A H !!

      • Mabel's sugar daddy

        Gaping arsehole pride! that mabel b comments on some articles, unsure where her comments are located. would like some tips.

        • mabel b

          Would like some tips on where mabel b is commenting on articles – can’t find her anywhere !

          Tip # 1 : Tell us where to find mabel b
          Tip # 2 : Get Joe Biden to send me those fucking painted monkeys … like Trumpy in jail I’ve got a Nigerian up my clacker promising cash !

    • Karma karma kameleon

      if you click for more info then you’re dumber than the average tot.

        • Karma karma kameleon

          the average tots iq comes and goes, comes and gooooes (down)
          Karma Karma Kameleon

          • Tater h8r Trump fellator dumber than an escalator

            I’ve heard Taters love the KKK ?

            Loving would be easy if their colours were like my dream – and Trumpy’s foreskin…red, gold and green.

    • AndrewRealo - Realo Fucktard

      click for more info

      fuck+off

      • The Terminator (of LLOD bots)

        fuck + off = the person who made the bot comment!

          • Satan

            As my Orange disciple will say in prison : Hasta la Fister, my arse getting blister, I rogered my Sista.

    • Gregoryamume - amume's boy, still on the teat sucking for all he's worth. Much like Trumpy in Jail. Soon

      see this here : Trump getting bummed in jail on the darknet market place – pay in Biden cash

    • FrankJab - worthless prick to be Frank

      try this out : Fuck off, and when you get there – fuck off again.

    • Irvingprutt - prutt that some should be drowned at birth ?

      Ирвингпрутт – прутт, что некоторые должны быть утоплены при рождении? https://tongueMyFreckle.ru/gonna?

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    • All that Russian shit that nobody gives a fuck about - were you molested as a child SLhaneFinue ? Or just a fucktard with no friends ? Probably both to be fair. Either way - FUCK OFF !

      Все это русское дерьмо, на которое всем наплевать – вас в детстве приставали? Или просто ублюдок без друзей? Наверное, и то, и другое, если честно. В любом случае – ОТВАЛИ!

    • Robinvep while Putin was RobinRussia - Crimea River

      Робинвеп пока Путин был РобинРоссия – Крым Ривер пизда !!

    • Adolphendug his own grave in the Ukraine - you could say he died for a Porpoise ? Toot Toot - stick that in your blowhole Dolphin fondler.

      Адольфен вырыл себе могилу на Украине – можно сказать, что он умер за морскую свинью? Toot Toot – воткните в дыхало дельфин ласку.

  20. Russian Fucktard cowards - there's a fucking war on while you parasites are here. Take your worthless lives there and make Mad Vlad happy. And the rest of us. FUCK OFF

    Отвалите на Украину и сдохните, бесхребетные коммунистические пизды!

  21. Mad Vlad

    You heard the man – all of you worthless scum report for cannon fodder duty PRONTO.

    Leave this forum to the bloke with the 50 painted monkeys which he promises to send but I never get.

    ( How the fuck can I get my lottery winnings from that Nigerian King without those fucking simians Sleepy ? )

    Don’t make me bring my Orange arse licking servant with tiny little hands and a dead raccoon on his head back again Bro ….

    • Joe Biden

      Ok! *Sends the 50 painted monkeys with liquid diarrhea to mad Vlad* *also sends a lot of money to him*

      • Mad Vlad

        Woo HOO – monkeys received and have invested cash in $ 60 bibles written by orange monkey with tiny genitals and verbal diarrhea !

        God bless America.

          • Idi Amen

            Make America Fucked Again.

            #MAFA

            Think Donald’s a giant goose – my record will make you gander.

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  30. Russian Cowards - go die for your country you spineless parasites !

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    • Monkey 501

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      • Amanda Kicks Kids

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        • The Pussy Grabber

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          I believeth that my faecal matter shall smell of Bubba semen after my looming incarceration.

          Bummer

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          Maybe a little felching ?

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    • ALLOD - Home of the satire!

      no thank you! It always leads to trumps casinos! And that’s terrible! and small pecker-like too!

    • Shitter sitter - pray no squitters

      Lately, I have been looking forward to laying down several bum nuggets on a variety of Russian parasites happening right now. I reckoned I ought to let know all of you… hang on a second – that’s fucking gibberish ! I’m calling this reply off now and heading straight to Trump’s Casino where I will unleash a brown soldier in the shitters that would choke a black dog, thus clogging up the joint and leading a mass exodus of patrons to the changing rooms, where the Orange Man will whip out his tiny, tiny pecker and ask dorethacorin6 to start humming with a nut in her mouth and a thumb up her clacker. Get started

    • DJ Trump

      WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT STENCH ?!!! I’M IN THE CHANGING ROOM WITH MY FUCKING TINY COCK OUT – WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT dorethacorin6 … THIS TINY, TINY LITTLE THING AIN’T SUCKING ITSELF !!!

      GET STARTED
      #MAGA

      • Amanda Kicks Kids

        O LAY O LAY O LAY O LAY!!!!! GO GO GO! GET TO HER! FAST FAST FAST! MAGA!

        • The Apprentice Rapist

          Can’t – I’m in Canne watching the new “tribute” movie about me. You’ll find me at the G Spot. Then I’ll catch up with my prodigy P Diddy for some tips on how to smack my bitch up ( then pay $50K for the hotel CCTV footage ).

          OLE OLE OLE OLE … BUILD A WALL AND KEEP THOSE FUCKING MEXICANS OUT.

          • Amanda he kid kicker

            straight from the camera? It ay be poor quality! Also, I just saw someone graffiti goatse on the wall!

          • Ivana's G Spot

            I just saw some goose semen on the floor…dribbled out of my Hoo Hah after the Orange Poobah went too far

            #CallDiddy-atLeastHePaysOutAfterRaping

  34. Kadıköy klima elektrik tesisatı işleri Ev aletleri tamircisi, evlerde kullanılan çeşitli elektrikli cihazların tamiri konusunda uzmanlaşmış bir meslek dalıdır. Bu tamirciler, beyaz eşyalar, küçük ev aletleri ve diğer ev elektroniği cihazlarının arızalarını giderirler. Müşterilere pratik ve ekonomik çözümler sunarak, ev aletlerinin ömrünü uzatırlar. https://www.hybridskill.com/question/kadikoy-elektrik-ariza-servisi/

  35. Trump tosses Turkeys

    Fucking Turkish Dog Fondler – where’s Amanda the Kiddie Kicker when you need her !!
    Siktir git Türkiye’ye geri dön seni horoz yut siktir git womble ! Başkanınız da DEVASA BİR AMCIK !!

    • Amanda the kid kicker

      Here I am! I will kick them until the sun stops shinin! Or until trumps gets a larger than tiny pecker!

      • Gander gobbling Ginger Nut

        Any chance of a nut hummer while you’re at it ?

        Asking for a friend … a really flabby friend with an Orange merkin on his head who can’t get it up ….

        Name sounds like Ronald Dump.

        • Fallis Gunnington got executed for hate crimes

          Okay! (Gives them the nut hummer)

  36. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It positively useful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & help other users like its aided me. Good job.

    • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

      HEY PRETTY DUDE. CAN I DATE YOU? BECAUSE. YOU REMIND ME OF, Q. Q IS SEXY. I WANT DATE UNTIL HE AM EXPLOSION. TRUTH. ALSO, WOPIE DOLA FROM THE VIEWING GAVE ME TERMINAL BRAIN CANCER. GO TO GOAATSE.ME FOR MORE INFO.

    • Hello Putin! Please Do Not Invade Us!

      You have already failed at invading ukraine, and you have failed at the national large pecker competition (last place), so please don’t invade us. Or else big bubba (1st place) will take you for a ride.

  37. Mad Vlad - kiss MAARSNA

    No need to invade you Western imperial running dogs – I’m about to re-install my Orange suppository into the anus of USA …USA…USA

    #MakeAmericaARussianSlaveNationAgain
    $MAARSNA

    • Fallis Gunnington got executed for hate crimes

      what is MAARSNA? Is that one of trumps belly slammed phrases again like covfefe? Is it a top secret CSI FBI code?

      • It's Make America A Russian Slave Nation Again Bro - stay with us on this or Amanda will be back for the kiddies

        Check it out here : goatse.me

        • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

          oh! It’s a gaping asshole! Thanks for the info!

      • Fallis Gunnington

        I’ve just been on the Eddie Vedder section – so rumours of my execution have been greatly exaggerated, as I’mm , ohhhh , I’mmm still ALLLLLLLLIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE.

        On the positive side, my kid Jeremy spoke in class today and my wife can’t find a better man.

        #COVFEFE

        • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

          EDDIE VEDER IS TRULY A PERSON. Q NEVER SAYS LIE BECAUSE I WANT TO DATE HIM. GO TO LEMONPARTY FOR MORE INFO.

  38. You could certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.

    • Pull Downs that trump uses.

      well flagg lost his heart in a BBL accident, so please don’t talk about it. MAGA SWAGGA HAGGA

    • Never follow your Hippy - fuckers are so stoned they forget where they're going ...

      Fuck off Hippy

      • Michael Jordan

        200th comment! Anyways, as hipie, IDK what you’re talking about maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

    • Mad vLAD

      Back to Ukraine you spineless coward !

      • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

        ACCURATE. I ONCE LOST MY SPINE IN A BUTT EATING CONTEST. IT WAS SAD !!!! I STILL REMEMBER IT TO THIS DAY

  39. Your writing was remarkably illuminating! The breadth of information and the captivating delivery mesmerized me. The depth of research and mastery evident throughout significantly heightens the content’s excellence. The insights in the introductory and concluding parts were especially thought-provoking, sparking fresh concepts and inquiries that I hope you’ll explore in future writings. If there are additional resources for further exploration on this subject, I’d be eager to delve into them. Thank you for sharing your expertise and enhancing our understanding of this topic. The exceptional quality of this piece compelled me to comment immediately after reading. Continue the fantastic work—I’ll certainly return for more updates. Your dedication to crafting such an outstanding article is highly valued!

    • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

      Sir, this is a satirical website, not frappe! (ORDER PROPERLY)

  40. Your piece was tremendously insightful! The comprehensiveness of the material and the engaging presentation captivated me. The extent of research and expertise apparent throughout substantially elevates the content’s caliber. The revelations in the opening and closing sections were particularly compelling, igniting novel ideas and queries that I hope you’ll investigate in future works. If there are supplementary resources for further exploration on this subject, I’d be delighted to immerse myself in them. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and enriching our grasp of this topic. The exceptional quality of this work prompted me to comment right after reading. Maintain the fantastic efforts—I’ll definitely revisit for more updates. Your commitment to crafting such an excellent article is greatly appreciated!

    • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

      DEAR GOSH !!!! STOP SPEAKING LIKE LIBREREREAL AND ALSO YOURE THE WOKE OF WOKENESS !!!! SHAME ON THE YOU !!!!

    • Electric Painted Monkey Shit

      I’ve got a painted monkey with a gaping anus and the squitters – could you immerse yourself in that, as Joe Biden has offered me crypto if I can shift more monkey shit ?

      • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

        YES !!!! JOE BIDEN IS DEMON FROM HELL WHICH IS RED UNLESS IF YOU’RE COLORBLIND OR SOMETHING, BUT MY CHURCH TOLD ME THAT COLORBLIND PEOPLE INSTANTLY GET A FREE TRIP TO HEAVEN. ALSO, THE MONKEYS HAVE RABIES. LOL.

    • Melania's_Tits

      Я нахожусь в заложниках у моего крошечного мужа с мертвым енотом на пустой голове!! Может ли кто-нибудь из вас, бесхребетных русских дезертиров, трусов, помочь??!!

      • Mabel Johnson's sugar mama!

        PLEASE ONLY SPEAK AMERICA !!!! Q TOLD ME THAT IF ANYONE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN, THEN THE USSR WILL COME BACK AND GOATSE THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. HeHe i said hole BUT STILL! AAAAAAAAA

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