Candace Owens Sues N.Y. District Attorney

All rise.  In the case of the State of New York versus his Majesty Donald Jehoshaphat Trump, the 34 separate charges are about to be read.  Wait!  What’s that?  Something just broke into the courtroom!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  Its-

It’s talking head Candace Owens, and not a moment too soon!

That’s right.  Candace Owens is helping come to the rescue of everyone’s favorite former twice-impeached President in his hour of need.  She’s surrounded herself with an army of lawyers, and has already filed suit against New York district attorney Alvin Bragg.

Bragg, caught unawares by the dusky siren’s legal maneuver, twirled his handlebar moustache menacingly, and backed away slowly. But Owens would have none of it.

“I am hereby suing Alvin Bragg on behalf of the hundreds, of not thousands of good Trump supporting senior citizens out there, in the name of sheer justice.”

Although the ebony entrepreneur hasn’t specified any charges or point to the lawsuit, which, frankly, hasn’t even been specifically filed yet, her prosecuting counselor Sandra Batt assured the people that their will would be done.

“Alvin Bragg is a George Soros plant,” she sneered.  “Soros, and we’ll say this yet again, has an endless money supply, and just gives it away willy nilly to liberals.  That’s why they’re all rich.  Every one of them.  Soros.”

When contacted, Mr. Soros made his statement in fifty-foot letters of flame seared into Earth’s moon.

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