Biden’s Released Arms Dealer Just Bought a Nuke

You may have heard about the latest deal made between the Biden administration and the vibrant, yet clearly Trump-like Vladmir Putin.  American prisoner Brittney Gruber has come home, in exchange for the freeing of convicted arms dealer, the “Merchant of Death”, Viktor Bout.

Nevermind that we gained a whiny WNBA pothead who was summarily re-arrested yesterday for possession of a bloogie in exchange for the world’s leading terrorist.  But now, just this morning, federal agents monitoring his activities confirmed that Viktor is now in possession of a nuke.

Joe Barron, the FBI’s head of Nerd Intel confirmed that Bout walked into the Is Big Socialist Materials Store in Moscow and purchased the offending material.

“The store is basically a big comic book emporium, and Bout is a huge Marvel guy.  That being said, he discovered an old copy of Daredevil # 232 by Frank Miller from the ‘Born Again’ storyline, which was the first appearance of the villain ‘Nuke’.  He made off with it for less than six rubles.”

Frank “Nuke” Simpson is a fictional mercenary that the Kingpin leases from the government to find and kill Daredevil.  It is revealed that Simpson was part of an abandoned Super Soldier experiment, left over from the Captain America days.

The issue is going for anywhere from $25 to $15 dollars at the moment on EBay, and is moderately collectable.  We can only posit what kind of damage the Death Merchant could get up to with it.