From it’s humble beginnings with the Pony Express to it’s heyday with letters home from Our Boys at war and delivering goods and gifts from the Sears catalog, the U.S. Post office has had it’s time in the sun.  But now, faced with yearly budget overruns and the threat of being used to deliver fraudulent paper ballots to endanger the 2020 election for President Trump, the commander in chief has declared that the service has become a threat to national security, and will be shutting down all postal operations within a month.

Now how will Sarah Huckabee write marriage proposals to desperate prisoners?

The fact that the impeached President constantly makes ridiculous accusations with no evidence whatsoever and devoid of any realistic sense has emboldened many in his base of mentally deficient throwbacks to agree with him, regarding ballots, even though the majority of them will likely suffer strokes on the way to their physical polling places, and will deserve that fitting end.  Joe Barron of the ACLU describes why the closure might be a bad idea.

“The post office loses money because republicans inserted poison pen legislation in it’s operations a couple decades ago, requiring it to fund postal pensions from the day of hire.  You know why?  Because teabagging shitbags are afraid of unions, and the postal union is one of the largest.  Trump’s obvious schizophrenia about mail in ballots is just severe retardery, frankly.  He’s on his way to lose in a landslide, and he’s desperate.  He belongs in an institution for the criminally insane.”

Liberal hero George Soros intends to counter by casting Jewish voodoo spells on voting machines. LeChiam!

Barron isn’t wrong.  According to a coalition of medical and psychological experts, Donald Trump is more nutty his trophy wife’s toothbrush.  Which makes another point, that mail delivery was apparently safe enough for his third wife from Borschtistan or wherever, but can’t be trusted for a ballot with computerized security features.  Okay, boomer.

At any rate, it might be time to say goodbye to your friendly mail carrier and get ready to make friends with the much higher prices of Fed Ex.  At least those annoying Hallmark stores in the mall will finally fade away.


  1. Hallmark

    Hey! Don’t insult us like that! If you do, then you have a comically small pecker and 2 balls smaller than the pecker too!

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