A full on police manhunt ended early this morning with the arrest of a single male suspect, charged with stealing and possession of a stolen historical document.  That document?  The original constitution of the United States of America.

The erstwhile thief was arrested without further incident at his home in Queefsburgh, Virginia around ten o’clock this morning.  Benjamin Franklin Gates, age 53, was taken into custody among a veritable legion of police officers and secret service agents.

Gates had had previous run-ins with the law after stealing the Declaration of Independence many years ago.  Questioners say he believed that “invisible ink” on the backside of the sacred text pointed to Independence Hall, thanks to directions from, get this, a paperboy.

National archives historians haven’t any idea why Gates would attempt to hijack the constitution, but primary lead investigator Joe Barron spoke on the subject briefly.

“Mr. Gates has past history, real or imagined, with the Freemasons and Knights Templar.  We suspect he believes that there is a secret ‘code’ written inside a secret compartment in the document that will direct him to the Chalice of Christ, an ancient artifact.”

Barron needlessly pointed out the fact that the constitution itself is worth far more than the Chalice.

Gates is being held without bond until a plucky young sidekick, computer expert Riley Poole, will come and break him out.

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