Anyone who has family with toddlers is likely aware of the baby formula shortage that has ravaged the country over the past year.

Mom’s everywhere have been struggling to find formula for their babies, and even when they could find some had to pay exorbitant prices.

Enter Elon Musk, who has vowed to tackle the crisis head on by encouraging women to get back to basics, as he recently announced in a tweet.

According to insiders familiar with Musk’s plans, the charity, tentatively named “Make America Pump Again”, or MAPA, will install breast milking farms at Walmarts across the country.

Each farm will have up to 300 breast milking stations, complete with viewing platform and a concession stand featuring milk shakes and hot dogs. Viewers will be charged a fee of $10 which, combined with the proceeds from the concession stand, will help fund the charity. Season tickets will be available for $100. Women will not be charged a fee to use the milking stations.

Breast milking stations will be scientifically designed to accommodate women of various sizes. Women with A cups will produce approximately one gallon per hour, while women with B cups will produce about one a half gallons per hour. C and D cups will produce 2 gallons per hour. For women larger than 44 DD, a special “plaid mode” milking station will be able to extract up to four gallons of milk per hour.

Any excess milk produced will be donated to the charity’s breast milk bank and sold in multiple delicious flavors on the Twitter store and at Tesla dealerships nationwide. SpaceX will also deliver breast milk to the International Space Station (ISS).

Musk spokesperson Cletus Derpfinger applauded the announcement:

“Make America Pump Again is the best thing to happen to women in decades. No longer will they be subject to the whims of a fickle supply chain. Each woman will be given a free home breast pump after each milking session. It evens doubles as an air horn!”

Reportedly, Musk was “strangely aroused” by the idea when it was pitched to him by a Twitter employee. Following the announcement Walmarts everywhere have been inundated with requests for season tickets, including Matt Gaetz, who was seen purchasing one at his home town Walmart in Hollywood, Florida.

6 Comments

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  3. Make America Plump Again (like caseoh!)

    I lvoe this idea! big mommy milkers! awooga!

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