The newest version of Disney’s classic 1989 fantasy The Little Mermaid has more than a few diversions from the original. Do you remember the sea-battle scene under the Dark Shells of Poseidon? No?
According to multiple individuals involved with both the MPAA and the movie itself, there was no other option for the much more violent and adult-leaning romp than a PG-13 rating. Sandy Batt of the former explained the decision.
“There’s quite a bit of extreme violence in this movie, and we’ve decided that only individuals over the age of 13 can handle it. The battle scenes, including one where Ariel swordfights fifty men, severing limbs and strangling them, alone, is a red flag.”
A cut scene from the original shows Prince Eric severing his main artery as a sacrifice to Baal.
Disney’s imagineers made no apologies for the “update”, calling it a much-needed reboot to appeal to today’s kids used to a world of “Avengers” and Tarantino.
“The Little Mermaid was always kind of a lighter-toned film,” says lead genital animator Art Tubolls. “With love and loss and sacrifice, that kind of shit. Frankly speaking, with a black mermaid this time around? Things can get heavy.”
Many conservatives are already upset by the race-friendly casting of Halle Bailey in the lead role because of their Trumpian racistness. Will the rating doom their viewership for good?
“Doubtful,” replied Tubolls. “They’re a bunch of old, half-dead throwback hillbilly morons. It’s not like their kids aren’t going to watch it on a streaming service behind their backs with their money anyway.”
