It appears that those opposed to masks may be winning the battle against giant retail chains. Walmart instituted a mandatory mask policy in their stores recently. They were reluctant to even give exceptions to those with medical conditions so now they have found a workaround to accepting those with these conditions.
It had been suggested to the Walmart leadership that a contactless temperature reading could be taken before maskless people enter their establishments, but they balked at this. They claimed that such readings were not accurate and could not give a true picture of whether or not patrons were asymptomatic.
They have now come up with an alternative. Walmart has agreed to do temperature checks to those who refuse to don a face covering, but it will not be a contactless check. Instead, Walmart employees will be conducting rectal temperature checks on any person who wishes to enter the premises without an approved piece of cloth over their mouth and nose.
The employees who conduct these checks will be the standard greeters that are seen at every Walmart store. They will receive an extensive 5-minute training course on how to stick a probe up somebody’s butt for medicinal purposes, not pleasurable.
Only after receiving course certification will the Probe Staff be put to work.
Walmart’s VP of Health Services, Joe Barron, commented on the matter:
“At Walmart, we take pride in our commitment to the health and safety of both our employees and our customers. ‘People before profit’ has always been our motto and continues to be so through our current pandemic state.
It is for this reason that we’ve been reluctant to allow customers into our doors without donning masks. Masks are worn to protect those around you from a potentially deadly virus that you may be carrying. We are now realizing that not everybody is able to wear anything over their breathing apparatus, so we have come up with a compromise.
Those who are unable to wear masks for medical reasons relating to their respiration will still be allowed in, but must undergo a temperature analysis order to determine the likelihood of their being sick. High temperature would indicate that the customer is afflicted by some sort of illness and these people will not be allowed in the store.
This reading will be performed though rear entry. A probe, approximately 3 inches in diameter will be gingerly inserted into the maskless customer’s rectum. We have found this to be the most accurate way of establishing human temperature and, as such, it is our preferred method. The probe will be thrust in and out repeatedly to clear any matter that may interfere with an accurate temperature reading. Those who decline the assessment will not be allowed entry.
We truly feel that this is a solution that meets the needs of all affected!”
The anti-mask protestors we spoke to seemed agreeable with this solution, saying that Walmart did the right thing. Said one:
“They have satisfied our desires in several ways. Good job, Walmart.”
