New Superman Movie to Be : ‘Christian Spectacular’

Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!

It’s the first and only begotten son of the Lord our God, sent down to Earth from light years away to save us from all of our sinful endeavors!

That’s right, the man of steel is now a Man of God, and you have James Gunn, the man behind the wildly popular Peacemaker spin-off series to thank for it.

Gunn has come into his own recently, writing and directing hit movies like “The Suicide Squad”, the “Guardians of the Galaxy” franchise, and Tom Selleck’s “Runaway”.  He’s been put fully in charge now of the D.C. Comics movie empire, and had quite a bit to tell our own coffeboy Joe Barron about it.

“Superman, as I see him, is a weasely little pussy sent to a place where he COULD and SHOULD be a God, but decides to help out instead.  So, in the upcoming feature, he will blindly support suffering while tsk-tsk-ing, rally behind a fat stupid President, even when it appears he’s a moron, and pretend to be an expert in pandemics and vaccines.”

What about the other heroes in D.C.’s stable?  Should we expect the baptism of The Flash and, whoever, Captain Ballbag or something?

“Oh no,” says Gunn.  “They’re all for this guy Geoff Johns, who did the Green Lantern flick you threw up in years ago.  He starts things and then finishes them like shit.  Good luck with that.”

So get your rosaries ready and guard against a Krypto-Crucifix, true believers!  It’s SOOPERMAN, God bless Him!