In a shocking move that has left Hollywood elites clutching their passports, the Irish government has officially denied Rosie O’Donnell’s request for permanent residency and given her 30 days to leave the country. The decision was made after a unanimous vote by the Irish Naturalization and Immigration Service (INIS), which cited “cultural incompatibility” and “the preservation of national morale” as primary reasons.
“It’s Just Not a Good Fit,” Says Ireland
While the Irish government is known for its warm welcome to expatriates, officials insist that this particular case required special consideration. “Look, we’re a friendly people,” said Minister of Justice Joe Barron. “But there’s only so much we can take.”
Sources close to the decision reveal that Rosie’s personality was a major factor. A confidential report leaked to the Irish Times states:
- Her presence in local pubs caused a 67% increase in patrons leaving mid-drink.
- After just three weeks, she had already been in public screaming matches with two cab drivers, a sheep farmer, and a group of children on a school trip.
- An Irish talk show canceled her guest appearance after she turned a segment on traditional Celtic music into a 40-minute rant about Donald Trump.
O’Donnell’s Appeal Rejected
Upon hearing the decision, O’Donnell immediately filed an appeal, claiming that “as a progressive American, I have more right to be here than most of these people.” Unfortunately for her, the appeal was quickly dismissed in record time—11 minutes, to be exact.
Government officials cited a long list of past behaviors as justification for their ruling, including:
- Her publicly insulting Conor McGregor, calling him a “leprechaun on steroids” (which resulted in a near-international incident).
- Demanding that Guinness be rebranded as a “feminist ale.”
- Complaining that Irish accents were “triggering” and should be softened for American tourists.
What Happens Next?
O’Donnell has now been given 30 days to pack up and leave, though sources indicate she may be attempting to seek asylum in Scotland, claiming that “men in skirts are the only ones who have ever truly understood me.”
Meanwhile, Irish citizens have celebrated the decision, with one Dublin pub offering a “Rosie’s Gone” special—a free pint for every customer who can go 10 full minutes without yelling at a stranger.
As for the Irish government, officials maintain there are no hard feelings but urge any other Hollywood celebrities thinking of relocating to Ireland to “just visit first and see if we can actually tolerate you.”