One of Donald Trump’s first acts, when he became President in 2016, was to remove the United States from the deal negotiated with Iran by President Obama, sparking critics on the left to argue that the bankrupt former billionaire had little understanding of foreign policy.
The deal had proposed limiting the middle eastern nation’s access to nuclear material in exchange for lighter sanctions on its already crippled economy, and the return of money held in American banks.
Even though Iran had been compliant with its end of the agreement, Trump had focused on a policy of “Obama Jealousy” for the entirety of his term, and was desperate to undo his predecessors accomplishments, no matter the damage done to the world.
Many of his rabid taint-brained supporters were blabbering about non-existent “pallets of cash” anyway, and cheered the withdrawal because they understand geopolitics the same way his wife Melania understands quantum string theory.
Incoming President Joe Biden proposes to lead the effort to reconstitute the deal, and told Fox News’ Sandy Batt that he would begin with a formal apology from the United Nations building, and the transfer of 70 billion dollars in cash strapped into a gondola to be floated via Zeppelin to Tehran, and landed gently in the main square while a children’s marching band from New Jersey plays : “Take the Money and Run” by the Steve Miller Band.
Because the point of the original deal was to delay Iran’s construction of a nuclear warhead, Biden will also sweeten the pot by offering the country a substantial new weapons contract with American Nerf factories, pushing the proliferation of less alarming and more amusing offensive and defensive systems.
Democratic strategists refer to the fictional proposal as the beginning of Biden’s planned “apology tour”, where he will begin much of his first 100 days fixing relations and policies that Donald Trump ignorantly shit all over.
Thank God we have someone who will bring us back to the Obama years, when America was great before.
