In a surprise move over the weekend, author Steven King and daytime talk host Whoopi Goldberg colluded, pooling their resources, and submitted a bid to buy the beleaguered social media platform Twitter out from under current owner, Swedish meatball Elon Musk.
Neither King nor Goldberg are publicly big fans of the platform, and both have been “banned” from using it within the last month. King has even lost a publisher over the mess, and Goldberg her acting job on TV’s “Picard”.
Singularly, the two each present only a minor monetary threat to Musk, who, as the formerly richest man in the world, could buy and sell them for circus peanuts. But together, they’ve managed to scrape up their first offer of five hundred dollars.
“That’s a lot of money,” says Sandra Batt, Musk’s personal groomer. “It doesn’t really seem like much after the boss paid, what, forty-four billion? But when you take into account the loss of advertisers, the uptick of racist and terribly offensive tweeters, and the general devaluation of it, it’s actually more than generous.”
Twitter stock is currently on par with that of the Ramen Noodle company, selling for nearly fifteen cents a share. That’s a drop of ten cents since last Friday.
King, in particular, is sacrificing a new 70-inch color television for the bid, but has assured his legion of fans that he is willing to continue using his full-sized in-home movie theater for a little bit longer, if that’s what it takes.
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