Biden Accidentally Pardons Two Grouses For Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, the traditional and very American holiday, where family members unite across distances for one night a year to feast, and be with each other.  To catch up on the year behind, and plan the one that will soon follow.

Every year, the United States President goes through a noble tradition of pardoning a pair of turkeys, the usual meal for the dinner, and then sends them to a turkey farm in Queefsburg, Virginia, to live out their days peacefully.

This year, however, President Joe Biden failed in his attempt, the very first President in American history to do so.  He had ONE job.

Instead of turkeys for the festive media conference, two ruffed grouses were provided, whom Biden dubbed “Donald” and “Stormy” to much laughter, and then proceeded to pardon them.

A ruffed grouse is a similar animal to a turkey, but about a quarter of the size, and with much shorter limbs.  The President, nonetheless, being older and medically booby-hatched, could not tell the difference.

Staff member Joe Barron took responsibility for the flub later, calling it a “case of muddled circumstances.”

“I only had a half hour to grab a couple of turkeys,” he explained.  “So I just snatched a couple that were walking around gobbling at the weed farm.  Hey, they never told me what kind of farm to go to.”

Barron also scored some wicked kush and a small box of mushrooms for his trouble.