Goldberg Arrested For Fentanyl Possession

Just outside of Florida’s Ten Forward bar and grill this last Monday, none other than Whoopi Goldberg was arrested and taken into custody for possessing over three pounds of the drug fentanyl.  Police have determined that Goldberg was alone during the routine inspection.

Fentanyl is a synthetic drug gaining extreme popularity among the American public due to it’s euphoric effects and low price.  It’s availability has famously been upgraded, thanks to President Joe Biden, who has been having it shipped from the border weekly to further his New World Order agenda.

Goldberg made the following statement to authorities upon her arrest:

“Why is it always me that ends up being the subject of these satirical tales?  Am I the only thing that sells among the idiot conservative base?”

The short answer is “yes”.  Goldberg will be held and arraigned tomorrow in an imaginary courtroom with “hanging judge” Sandra Batt, and will be confined to a “Hannibal Lecter” outfit for the entirety of the proceedings.

As we all know from the media’s oversaturated coverage of the drug, just two tiny milligrams contain the possibility to completely destroy all life on earth three times over.  It’s a wonder it hasn’t happened accidentally already.

Biden’s New World Order plan includes getting more than 50% of the population hooked on the drug, and then signalling the aliens from Planet Ten to arrive and ionize everyone, which will finally sell electric cars.  You go, Elon Musk.