In a stunning rebuke of what it calls “corporate-funded woke nonsense,” the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has officially revoked a $25 million federal grant previously awarded to Disney for its initiative, Applying Diversity to American Cinema.
“This grant was intended to promote meaningful storytelling,” DOGE Chairman Elon Musk said in a statement. “Instead, it was used to make movies where historical figures get race-swapped and every character has the same three personality traits: smug, self-righteous, and terminally unfunny.”
A Grant Gone Wrong
The original grant, awarded in 2022, was supposed to encourage diversity in film by funding stories that “reflect the evolving fabric of American culture.” However, according to internal audits, the money went towards a handful of controversial projects, including:
- A gritty live-action remake of Bambi where the hunter is rebranded as the true villain—because guns are bad.
- A reboot of The Magnificent Seven where all seven gunfighters are replaced with social media influencers who fight injustice by delivering powerful monologues.
- A sci-fi epic about a dystopian America where people who don’t use the correct pronouns are exiled to the moon.
The final straw, according to DOGE, was Disney’s recent decision to remake Home Alone with a new storyline where Kevin McCallister outsmarts the burglars by teaching them about systemic oppression.
“We’ve seen enough,” Musk declared. “The American people didn’t ask for this. They just wanted good movies, not lectures disguised as entertainment.”
Disney Responds
In response to the funding clawback, Disney CEO Joe Barron defended the initiative, insisting that “diverse storytelling is the future” and that DOGE’s decision was “an attack on progress.”
“We at Disney believe in the power of representation,” Barron stated. “And also in the power of free government money.”
Despite the backlash, the studio remains committed to its diversity push, teasing several upcoming projects, including:
- Pocahontas 2: Settlers Were Misunderstood
- Star Wars Episode X: The Rise of Feelings
- Iron Man: But This Time, He’s Vegan
Musk’s Vision for American Cinema
Musk, never one to miss an opportunity to reshape an industry, has proposed reallocating the $25 million to fund what he calls “real, unapologetic American cinema.” He hinted at a DOGE-backed film initiative, with projects rumored to include:
- A space adventure where the hero is an eccentric billionaire who saves Mars from bureaucrats.
- A cyberpunk thriller about a world where everyone is forced to drive electric cars—except for one rebel who dares to build a gas-powered Mustang.
- A historical epic titled Founding Fathers: The Reloaded Cut, featuring George Washington wielding a flamethrower.
While critics argue that DOGE’s intervention is politically motivated, Musk remains unfazed. “We’re not against diversity,” he clarified. “We’re against bad movies. And also, I just really like space battles.”
Whether this marks a turning point in Hollywood or just another day in the culture wars, one thing is clear—DOGE isn’t funding another Little Mermaid reboot anytime soon.