Lindell Confesses : ‘I Am Addicted to Crack Again’

Crack cocaine.  It’s a powerful and evil drug, produced in labs by uncaring souls looking for a quick buck with no apologies.  Incredibly dangerous, it leaves the user with a euphoric high, but terrible physical and mental after-effects.

Trump- cheerleading pillionaire Mike Lindell has made no bones about his former addiction to the chemical stimulant.  He’s often boasted of his overcoming of the curse in order to form and control his own successful company, the MyPillow empire.  It took quite a bit of self-control, faith and prayer, and a complete blood cleaning.  With Tide.

Sadly, however, just yesterday, after several years of ridiculous activity covering “election denial” and blind allegiance to former embarrassing President Donald Trump, Lindell revealed that he is, and has been, relapsed, since about 2018.

“I messed up,” the bulbous dollar-store Richard Simmons confessed to biographer Joe Barron in his new upcoming film Pillow Talk, about the millionaire.  “It’s been too much of a lure to me, and I couldn’t deny it.  Especially with the self-appointed job of Trump apologist that I took on.  Man, no one sober can do that.”

Lindell’s recent reasoning for how Trump “won” and was somehow “cheated out” of the last Presidential election range from ballot harvesting nonsense and Chinese interference to evil green-skinned Hulk-like space creatures freezing the planet in time and filling out millions of fake ballots.

“Yeah, it’s batshit is what it is,” he told Barron from inside his room at Queefdale’s Hospital for the Insipidly Head Screwed.  “I realize that now.  Fu*kin’ crack, man.  It’s a hell of a drug.”