Being the son of arguably the most famous man on the planet doesn’t, apparently, get you a free pass when it comes to breaking the law.
This is a hard fact that Barron Trump is discovering right now, during his arraignment at the Marion County courtroom in central Florida for a D.U.I. stop last night around 12:30 a.m.
“I didn’t know who it was until I saw his pale face staring at me out the window,” said Sheriff’s Deputy Jack Bowman. “That’s when he vomited.”
Bowman then administered the drunk driving test, as he’d just witnessed the perpetrator driving 97 m.p.h. down a winding quiet residential street with loud “Skillet” music blasting into the night. Bowman also noticed the passenger side airbag deployed with Trump using it as a bass drum with an empty vodka bottle.
This is the boy’s third arrest for the crime, making him at only 10% of his father’s. It also means jail time, if he’s convicted, which his lawyer Teresa Nelson, says isn’t going to happen.
“Oh, no way is this kid getting any fingerprint ink on that gorgeous light blue shirt he’s wearing, uh uh. He’ll be in prison the same number of days Mitt Romney was in rehab. None.”
The law says differently, though, so Nelson appears to have quite the job ahead of her.
Asked for an official response, the President waved away reporters on the White House veranda, with a subtle : “Gee, I wonder who could pardon the little rascal?”
After heading inside, he turned around suddenly and shouted “Me. It’s me.”
Trump (the younger) will be sitting through arraignment hearings for the next two days, until he is inevitably set free on his own recognisense.
Sammy Hagar’s RED Tequila has taken sponsorship of the boy and his legal dealings. Because Right Now, action is everything. Wah ah ah hoo wee hooo!
